DEAR ABBY: A mother from Ohio is seeking advice about her relationship with her son’s father, Tony. They dated for two years before their son was born and have been on and off for the past seven years. Recently, they have been growing closer again, but Tony has expressed that he is not ready for a romantic relationship due to his ongoing anger issues stemming from his time as a combat Marine.
The mother is feeling confused by the mixed messages Tony is sending her. She has been honest about her desire for a relationship when he is ready, but he seems unsure. When she asked about setting boundaries, Tony mentioned that he does not need any and encouraged her to do what feels right for her. However, she is concerned about being used if the situation becomes intimate.
She has decided to draw the line at no sex unless they are in a committed relationship. Tony treats her like a friend and sometimes wants to hug or kiss her, but it is clear that they are not on the same page when it comes to their relationship goals. She is considering moving on from the situation.
In response to her dilemma, Abby suggests that the mother should consider the severity of Tony’s anger issues and whether he needs professional help. She commends the mother for holding off on further intimacy until a commitment is made, which Tony seems unwilling to do at this time. It appears that Tony is content with a friendly relationship in order to maintain a connection with their son, but he may not be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.
Abby advises the mother not to wait indefinitely for Tony to be ready for a relationship, as it may never happen. It is important for her to prioritize her own emotional well-being and consider moving on if their relationship goals do not align.
In a separate letter, a parent from New Mexico is seeking guidance on how to improve their strained relationship with their daughter, Willa. Despite disapproving of her boyfriend and having a tumultuous past, the parents have tried to support Willa and maintain a positive connection with her. However, their efforts seem to have fallen short, as Willa has distanced herself from them.
Abby acknowledges the parents for raising a self-reliant and hardworking daughter but suggests that their past behavior may have contributed to the current distance between them. She recommends exploring family therapy as a way to rebuild their relationship with Willa, even if she initially resisted due to her boyfriend’s presence.
Overall, Abby emphasizes the importance of communication, self-reflection, and seeking professional help when navigating complex family dynamics. It is crucial for individuals to prioritize their own well-being and set boundaries in relationships to ensure mutual respect and understanding.
